February 14th 2005
While a lucky bunch received flowers and chocolate today, the rest of us is still wondering what could have possibly gone wrong. At what point in our life, serving the "yes, I do think that not remembering my name is a sign that I should not go home with you tonight, especially since we met an hour ago" ended up being a terrible lack of spontaneity?
I here understand my mistake and admit defeat: yes, I too will embrace the speed-dating life. But a question remains... How can one says it all in less than 5 min? Well my friends, I looked around and finally saw the light: getting a date in New York is like getting a job. So from now on I decided I would distribute a "Love resume" and pray for a call back.
So, on what's left of this joyous Valentine's Day I am calling the unlucky bunch to join me with their resume, and well, pass mine around while you're at it...
MAïA M.
Somewhere in Brooklyn, NY. USA
GOAL: Do better next time.
EDUCATION
Grammar school Sainte Cécile D’avès, Gaillac, (village) Southern France. 1983-1984
-Crush on Alexandre, aka “golden locks.” 20 years later, he turned into the nicest albino pot head.
-Crush on Sébastien, kid who lives on the other side of the hill. (Still lives there, with the pot head)
Grammar school Eugénie de Guérin, Gaillac, (village) Southern France. 1984-1985
-(Catholic convent/ school.) People ask if I speak ‘Jewish;’ no love interest in my school.
-Crush on David, who lives on the same hill as Sébastien; his brother actually.
-Crush on ALL the Japanese cartoons male characters. (Astro Boy is still hot.)
Grammar School Calvignac, Toulouse, Southern France. 1985-1989
-Crush on Cédric, a pretty normal kid for once Unfortunately, Cédric’s in love with my best friend.
Junior High Michelet, Southern Toulouse, France. 1989-1991
-First puppy love that appears to be shared. Plan on waiting the following year to ask him out.
Junior High Beaumarchais, Paris, France. 1991-1993
-Move to Paris, city of all crimes. No love interest, just a strong desire to stay alive.
High School Edgar Quinet, Paris, France. 1993-1994
-The concept of love is somehow disturbed by a) the fact that most guys there can’t sing the “alphabetsong” properly, b) the proximity of prostitutes/ sex shops in the neighborhood.
-First kiss with a boy from “Molière High School.” Moments later, love at first sight with hisclassmate.
High School Molière, Paris, France. 1994-1996
-“Saved by the Bell” meets The Discovery Channel: Romanian refugee, depressed singer, videogamechampion wannabee, Japanese cartoon voice over…
-Cédric, from Bréval (Parisian suburban village.)After break up, Cédric joins the army.
-Barnabus, karate champion, from Bréval.
[Score: Big Jim: 1, Barnabus: 0.]
Knowledge acquired: there are 38.851 other villages in France.
-Sébastien (the name got popular in the 1970’s.) Village 9 miles from Bréval.
-Ezekiel. Knowledge acquired: a man, in the Biblical sense.
Additional knowledge acquired: next time, stick to reading the book.
-Platonic relationship with Alexis. Kundera is in the air –and so is Alexis’ girlfriend.
La Sorbonne Paris IV, Paris, France. 1996-2004
-David, from Bréval. First long -love?- story (4 years.)
Knowledge acquired: French villages are all the same anyway.
Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, NY. USA. 2001-2002 (Teaching Assistantship)
-Erik, a drama student. After the 3rd wedding proposal, consider getting engaged the following year.
Smithsonian American Art, Washington DC. 2002-2003
-First time living with a boyfriend. First nervous breakdown. Also first time asking a boyfriend tobuy his own make up – Exit the drama queen.
-Summer in Europe: hook up with my pre-K crush Sébastien.
City University of New York (CUNY), The Graduate Center, New York, NY. 2003-2004
-Jean-Paul Sartre meets Candace Bushnell: British broker, Hindu engineer, gay guy, politician.
-Pierce, a friend.
-Brendan, his friend.
-Xander, Brendan’s roommate.
Knowledge acquired: check date’s background connections FIRST.
Sorbonne doctoral student on the run, hiding in NYC. 2004
-Ragnagna, 33 years old. Loves Iron Maiden underwear, French puddles, and himself. Hates planning, soft-boiled eggs and anyone who’s not him –especially me, I think.
-Today: Seeking a more selective taste in men.
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
Fortunately none.
SKILLS
Languages: Fluent: French, English. Proficient Spanish. Basic Rumanian and Hindi
Other:Valid US Work Permit.
NOTE. To emphasize the progression in my social life and of my mental health, this resume asbeen edited chronologically. No causality should be established between my dates, or lack of, andthe constant school change.
