Thief on the Run legalized; breaches in the American judiciary system

I know, I know, another mass email. And it’s not even to give any vital information, offer something free or give you the pleasure of announcing an anticipated departure. But hey, it could be worse, like a forward of a 10 year old girl who has cancer and will die if you do not send the message to 134 friends by tomorrow and clap 3 times in your hands while chanting your bank account number. No. This email is a statement, the public acknowledgment of my “let’s invade the country” plan.

As many of you might know, I originally came to America to hide from my school. Probably due to a fatal error in their data processing system, I managed to finish my Master's and get into the Ph.D program –rerouting meriting student number 1912034 towards a life of whisky swallowing behind the stacks of her new job at the “history of combs and toothbrushes” museum in Reykjavik. The first draft of my “Art theft” proposal indubitably helped shed light on the terrible mistake. My criminal record also indicated that I stole the list of the admitted candidates embossed with the “Sorbonne” seal, and my name on it. I argued it was just to prove my family they hadn’t fed me all those years in vain -I might still end up poor but I would be an EDUCATED poor. It didn't matter. Stealing the list was considered a national offense, especially since the fund allocated to the French Educational system did not allow the use of scrap paper to print out a second copy.

Since my escape, I have discovered scenic landscapes and its fauna in Poughkeepsie, survived a stunning recreation of “Apocalypse Now” in Washington DC and even landed with a family as nuts as mine in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Now, time for another change has arrived. I will, in the end, fill up the poll of enemies trying to legally steal your well deserved jobs. And by that, I don’t mean that I finally found a decent boyfriend or even an old man ready to marry me so I can get a Green Card. I’m only fighting for ATTAINABLE goals, after all. The news is the INS just sent me my very first “Work Permit” this morning!!! Valid a year to work in the Arts , starting August. And they want me SO much that it seems I am not allowed to re-enter the US if I ever go home during these 12 month. If that’s not love, what is. Veni, Vidi, Vinci

Maïa

PS: I'll probably be going out to celebrate this week end. Feel free to join! -although I'll understand if you'd rather be mourning.

PPS: if you send this email – or rather, my resume- to at least 5 influent people in the Art world to get me a job, your life will shine all through this week. Between 5 and 10 people, you will get a huge surprise on the 17th, and to 10 or more people, your deepest wish will be granted – unless it has something to do with me leaving the country and forgetting your email address. THIS IS REAL. I’ve tried it. Really.